We think; therefore, we often talk rubbish.

If you want us to remain friends, then I think you need to get used to the idea that other people are real.

I don’t mean to bum you out but... we’re all going to die. The thing is, very few of us actually believe it. We look at pictures of people who have died and marvel at the pathos. ‘Ah, there’s Jean all smiling. She didn’t know she’d be dead in three months.’ Well, maybe Jean knew and maybe she didn’t. But what she didn’t do was go around hoping to provide someone else with a satisfying sense of dramatic irony. Nobody lives like that and it’s odd that we do it to the dead sometimes.

One way of imagining life is that it’s a competition between love and death. Death always wins, of course, but love is there to make its victory a hollow one. That’s what love is for.

Yes of course there’s always someone worse off than you. But imagine you’re in a doctor’s surgery with a broken arm. The person next to you has two broken arms, the person next to him has two broken arms and a broken leg. This is all very well, but the point is that you have a broken arm and it hurts.

The great thing about refusing to feel feelings is that, once you’ve denied them, you don’t have to take responsibility for them. Your feelings will be someone else’s problem – your mother’s problem, your girlfriend’s problem, your wife’s problem. If it has to come out at all, let it come out as anger. You’re allowed to be angry. It’s boyish and man-like to be angry.

I've read the Bible, but I felt like a lot of the Bible was oppressive towards women. Then I read the Quran, and I thought it was also oppressive towards women.

I did The Frank Skinner Show, and they gave me a little jukebox-shaped CD player, which looks nice in the kitchen.

I dont do much to keep in trim - I try to walk places instead of driving whenever I can, but I really ought to do more.

I get recognised a fair bit. It goes up when Peep Show or the sketch show is on the telly or when were doing loads of interviews.